Love and Commitment

‘Love’, for most of us is the most important part of our life. Some of us are desperate to find love, some of us are in love and some of us are going through pain of separation from our loved ones. The phase that we are in currently has a great impact on our perception and actions.

So, what exactly is love?

Love is the purest emotion that a person can feel and experience. Defining something in a few words is a quality of mind whereas love, is an emotion that has to be felt by the heart. Your mind and heart work on completely different principles, therefore, defining something in a set of words is not possible. Nevertheless, there are some symptoms we all feel we feel attracted to the person and start emphasizing on their positive aspects. Even if we notice anything negative we tend to overlook it. We always wish to see the other person happy and also realize that our happiness lies in the sole presence of the person. Everything starts feeling beautiful and magical. We start cherishing every second of the time spent with that person. We feel like protecting and supporting the other person from every possible problem. When this feeling is mutual, we get into a commitment.

Where did we go wrong?

 Eventually, this commitment paves way for three emotions: one is the sense of dependence on the other person for our happiness, second is the sense of owning the other person, and third, is the fear of losing the other person. Under the influence of these three feelings, we start taking control of the situation as a part of which we either forcefully change ourselves, the situation, or the other person. It is rightly said, “Change is the only constant”. But it is very important, that this change is natural. When we change anything, we do it considering one aspect in mind. These changes have a counterfeit impact on various other aspects of the life of the person undergoing this change. At times, it alters their thought process and personality.

What starts as a slight deviation, eventually leads to two separating pathways accompanied by fights and misunderstandings. By the time you realize it, these changes become irreversible. Eventually, love fades away and what remains back are the memories and a broken heart, accompanied by blame games and a lot of negativity. Blaming the entire world, the situation and the other person will surely make you feel better but it will not solve your problem. It is very important to understand the underlying problem. The relationship started on a good note and felt good because everything and everyone involved were real. Problems start when the commitment that should happen due to love, ends up being a means of fulfillment of our necessities.

We have been influenced by the movies and the fairytales to an extent that, we start expecting somebody else to fill the holes in our lives. We expect the other person to understand us, stand up for us under all circumstances and solve all our problems.  As a result, the presence of the other person makes us feel complete but eventually, it also generates a sense of fear of losing the other person. We need to realize that, it is our responsibility to fulfill our dreams and solve our problems. Though the other person would offer us an emotional and moral support but it is not their responsibility, it is yours.

Commitment or relationship is a consequence of love. It is not the foundation of love. Closure and distance is merely a phase and does not define the way two people feel for each other. This fact can only be realized when we take full charge of our life and not wait for somebody else to complete us. Then, love leads to the union of two complete people who offer an extra support emotional and otherwise to each other, making the bond stronger and more beautiful with time.

Love is your true nature, not your necessity.                  

Published by Sruti Shivakumar

An architect from India on a journey of self exploration

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