People to get advice from

“Don’t base your decisions on the advice of those who didn’t have to deal with the results”

It was around 1 or 2 when I had finished crying my heart out. With my eyes completely red and a blurry vision, I picked up my phone to read the chats again that I had with my boyfriend. It was one of those relationship spats where a couple loses balance. A state where authority and dominance start overpowering the previously claimed unconditional love. Not only was there a conflict in my relationship, but there was also a greater conflict inside me, between my mind and heart, each one ready to take over the other. After many successful attempts to resolve the fight and find the solution all by myself, I finally gave up and decided to get some expert advice. Being a first-year college student back then, I had four ‘experts’ in my contact list. A friend who had a crush on me, a friend who treated her boyfriend like a dog, a friend who had never been in a relationship and at last, a friend who had become negative about the concept of relationship

I talked to each of them. With a little variation in the choice of words and tone, they all suggested the same thing- breakup. Influenced by the opinion of the majority, I screwed up a real relationship over a spat that could have been resolved with a little effort.

Photo by burak kostak on

Finally, after two years of this roller coaster ride through a phase of emotional and mental instability, I finally reached a phase where it existed only as a memory in my brain and had nothing to do with my heart. I was finally in a state where I could introspect and understand my journey. It was then I realized this lesson of life- people to take advice from should be carefully chosen. They have a huge impact on how our life and thought process turns out. When we get into any kind of trouble, emotionally or otherwise, we tend to ring up the people close to us for help without a second thought. We take their advice too seriously, neglecting their ignorance of our exact situation. Their bias in the situation or maybe their lack of experience dealing with similar problems. It’s like taking financial advice from a person who himself broke or taking relationship advice from a person who doesn’t understand it. I made a mistake which luckily did not have a long term impact on me, but, that may not be the case of you.

So does that mean that one should not take advice from anybody?
No, it is not like that

I understand that it is not always possible to know who is the right person and who is not. In such cases, it should at least be ensured that we take advice from people with different perspectives and also try to wait for our emotions to settle down and stabilize before making a decision. Rash decisions can themselves become a cause of problems in the future and therefore, should be avoided at all costs.

Published by Sruti Shivakumar

An architect from India on a journey of self exploration

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