Understanding human system

In the race of moving forward, we keep on interpreting the world around us and hardly look inside. The same situations are perceived and reacted to in different ways by different people.
But where does this difference lie?


We have always perceived ourselves as individuals but in reality, we are a combination of three components: mind, heart, and soul.
The mind is the component responsible for perceiving and analyzing every situation. It is the component that stays in regular contact with the external world. It constantly stays under an influence and is responsible for adapting and reacting to various situations. It is more like an extrovert friend of yours.
Heart, on the contrary, is the component of yours, which is just meant to feel emotions. It reacts to the situations perceived by the mind by generating an emotional response within you. The type of emotional response generated within you depends mainly on two factors: your personality and the image of the situation perceived by the mind. The above two factors are connected by a web and constantly influence each other.
The personality of a person is constantly influenced by emotions and mind. The mind is influenced by emotions and personality. It perceives the entire world around it based on these influences. As a consequence of this relation, every episode in the life of a person and every piece of information received by him shapes his future thought process and course of action.

Human System

As long as the web is in balance, everything seems fine. The problems arise when this web loses balance.
The mind is the component of yours that is in constant contact with the external world. It perceives and responds to the situations at a fast pace. But the heart reacts at a comparatively slower rate. The impressions left on the heart due to the influence of the mind lasts for a longer period than the situation itself. To be in line with the fast-moving world, we start ignoring our emotions for many situations and these emotions pile up over some time. As a result, the web loses its balance. This portrays itself as frustration and a sense of control being lost in one’s life. To deal with such situations, you have to start taking control of yourself. You have to decide when to suppress and when to express emotions.


It is important to understand that you are the boss of ‘You’. It might not always be possible to express your emotions but sooner or later they have to be let out. You are responsible for keeping your mental health in a clean and healthy state to achieve your highest potential.
After all, a healthy mind and a healthy heart lead a person to the road of real happiness.

Be your own Savior

Growing up we are always told the importance of being in good terms with people around us. We start identifying people like family, friends, and society. The crowd around us starts making us feel happy and secured. Everything feels good.

But one day suddenly, life shows you some unexpected colours. Colours that start fading your life and that make your heart blind. All that is left behind is a bunch of broken pieces that prick and bleed your heart every time you look back. You start looking for comfort in the crowd you assembled your entire life. It definitely manages to distract you from your problems and you move on with an unknown emptiness within you hoping that things will be alright again. Also, there are times when you don’t feel connected to the people around you. You crave for somebody to feel your silence. But in this era of rush, it appears a bit too much to ask for.

Tired and frustrated, you start looking for that one person who could feel the emptiness within you. A person who would never say a word and just stand by you, hold your hand and lend their shoulders to cry on. A person who would be there to gather the pieces of your broken heart. Time passes by and so do the people in your life. Your life changes every second and with that change your requirements, choices, and perspectives but one thing remains- it is you and your emptiness.

Eventually, you realise that all your struggles are internal and only you can solve them. Maturity lies in realising that you are the only person responsible for making yourself feel better. You are the sole author of your story. Life will keep on throwing problems at you one after the other, but you have to stand up against them. Deriving emotional support from your good wishers once in a while is fine but expecting somebody to always be there to understand and solve your problems, paralysis your emotional strength. You start finding yourself incapable of even standing up against the minor problems by yourself. You become overpowered by the negativeness within you.

It is important to realise that you know yourself the best. You are the only person who is aware of your strength, weakness, thought process and feelings. If you learn to channelise your emotions to use them in your favour, you can do wonders and achieve anything you want
It is well said ‘God helps those, who help themselves’. Nobody can help you if you don’t stand by yourself. You are your own savior.

Fear and Pain

“Karmanye Vadhikaraste Ma Phaleshu Kada Chana” – (Bhagavad Gita)


This is a very famous shloka from Bhagavad Gita, a scripture which is of great importance in Hinduism. It states that you have control over the actions and not on the result. Therefore, you should never be attached to the results. It delivers a message which is relevant even five thousand years later.
Since childhood, we have been shown various colors of life by movies and stories. These paint multiple pictures of varied aspects of life: love, relations, and success. Based on these and other influences experienced, we start building up many expectations regarding the future. ‘Expectation’ is anticipating the most favorable outcome of our actions. We attach ourselves to our actions and their outcomes to the extent that we start being in denial about other possible outcomes. We forget that we perceive and analyze the situation based on our understanding. For the situations which are beyond our control, or, which involves somebody else, the outcome may be completely different.

Our expectations and attachments pave way for two emotions- fear and pain.

Fear

When we rely on one specific outcome, which is not completely under our control, it generates a sense of ‘fear’ in us – fear of expectations being broken. This sense of fear is more intense when we are not mentally prepared for the other possible outcomes. This means the more one is dependent on a specific outcome, the more intense is the fear generated. This fear eventually impairs our thought process and abilities of decision making.
Sometimes, this fear becomes so intense that to safeguard our interest, we start committing stupid mistakes and in some cases, become the reason for failure. When this happens, the emotion that follows is ‘pain’.

Pain

When the situation takes a different turn and the outcome of our actions change, it generates a sense of our heart being broken. This feeling is called pain. When this happens, we start blaming ourselves and the entire world around us. We start feeling that the world is not being fair to us and we did not receive the fruit of our hard work.

But if we take a step back and analyse the situation, we realise that we were always in a psychological state of denial. This blinded us towards other possibilities and aggravated our attachment towards one specific outcome. Based on this weak foundation we started planning our future course of action. But when the situation changed its course, the outcome also changed. Since we were not mentally prepared for such an event, we feel shocked, betrayed and cope up with the situation by playing the classic blame game with the world. This continues as long as we hold onto the state of being in denial. If since the beginning, we had been open to the existence of other possibilities, it would have been easy for us to accept the changes and failures.

It would be wrong to say that one should not have any expectations. Every action is performed with a motive to achieve an outcome. But one has to keep in mind that for situations that are beyond our control, the outcome may not always be the most favourable one. What we have in our hands is the action and not the result. We should focus on our actions but also should be mentally prepared for situations where our actions do not yield the desired results. This thought process makes us free-flowing and also strong enough to stand against all odds in life

Compatibility

When two people come together in love, a new term is introduced in the relationship- compatibility. One thing is for sure; the higher the compatibility between two people, the higher are the chances of a successful relationship and otherwise. But often, we see two people very similar in nature clashing and two completely opposing characters working out their relationship.

In a relationship, we tend to look for three aspects- physical compatibility, emotional compatibility, and psychological compatibility. When all three fall in line, it develops a stronger bond in the relationship. Physical and emotional compatibility varies for every pair but can easily be achieved with effort, time and patience by both the parties. It requires understanding each other completely and providing the required support under all circumstances. When two people genuinely love each other and want to spend their entire life together, they start understanding the importance of compromises. Eventually, such a pair attains physical and emotional compatibility. What we generally mess with is the psychological compatibility.

When two people come together in a relationship, they embark on a journey of uniting two different personalities into one system that will stand strong under all circumstances. It is important to understand that these personalities evolve independently according to their experiences in their daily lives. Everything works as long as they are evolving under the same set of influences. Problems arise when they evolve in a completely different environment or the pair goes through a phase of a long-distance relationship. They start evolving at a different pace and if not taken care of at an early stage, it leads to the failure of the system. The couple faces a clash of opinions, daily fights and then end up splitting apart.

Secondly, some people take for granted the necessity to understand the other person’s opinion about love. They assume their perception as the definition of love. They forget that love is a very personal and subjective emotion. Different people have different perceptions and consequently different needs from a relationship. The understanding of other person’s perception, opinion and need is very important and is achieved only through time and effort.

Every relationship is dynamic in nature and requires constant effort. People change with time and with that changes their needs and perception. What works for some people may not work for others. What works in a relationship at one point in time may not work at the other. Therefore, people involved in a relationship should not be rigid and have an open mind. With these points in mind, any two people can attain the compatibility required in their relationship

Love and Commitment

‘Love’, for most of us is the most important part of our life. Some of us are desperate to find love, some of us are in love and some of us are going through pain of separation from our loved ones. The phase that we are in currently has a great impact on our perception and actions.

So, what exactly is love?

Love is the purest emotion that a person can feel and experience. Defining something in a few words is a quality of mind whereas love, is an emotion that has to be felt by the heart. Your mind and heart work on completely different principles, therefore, defining something in a set of words is not possible. Nevertheless, there are some symptoms we all feel we feel attracted to the person and start emphasizing on their positive aspects. Even if we notice anything negative we tend to overlook it. We always wish to see the other person happy and also realize that our happiness lies in the sole presence of the person. Everything starts feeling beautiful and magical. We start cherishing every second of the time spent with that person. We feel like protecting and supporting the other person from every possible problem. When this feeling is mutual, we get into a commitment.

Where did we go wrong?

 Eventually, this commitment paves way for three emotions: one is the sense of dependence on the other person for our happiness, second is the sense of owning the other person, and third, is the fear of losing the other person. Under the influence of these three feelings, we start taking control of the situation as a part of which we either forcefully change ourselves, the situation, or the other person. It is rightly said, “Change is the only constant”. But it is very important, that this change is natural. When we change anything, we do it considering one aspect in mind. These changes have a counterfeit impact on various other aspects of the life of the person undergoing this change. At times, it alters their thought process and personality.

What starts as a slight deviation, eventually leads to two separating pathways accompanied by fights and misunderstandings. By the time you realize it, these changes become irreversible. Eventually, love fades away and what remains back are the memories and a broken heart, accompanied by blame games and a lot of negativity. Blaming the entire world, the situation and the other person will surely make you feel better but it will not solve your problem. It is very important to understand the underlying problem. The relationship started on a good note and felt good because everything and everyone involved were real. Problems start when the commitment that should happen due to love, ends up being a means of fulfillment of our necessities.

We have been influenced by the movies and the fairytales to an extent that, we start expecting somebody else to fill the holes in our lives. We expect the other person to understand us, stand up for us under all circumstances and solve all our problems.  As a result, the presence of the other person makes us feel complete but eventually, it also generates a sense of fear of losing the other person. We need to realize that, it is our responsibility to fulfill our dreams and solve our problems. Though the other person would offer us an emotional and moral support but it is not their responsibility, it is yours.

Commitment or relationship is a consequence of love. It is not the foundation of love. Closure and distance is merely a phase and does not define the way two people feel for each other. This fact can only be realized when we take full charge of our life and not wait for somebody else to complete us. Then, love leads to the union of two complete people who offer an extra support emotional and otherwise to each other, making the bond stronger and more beautiful with time.

Love is your true nature, not your necessity.