4 Pillars of Confidence

How many times, have we craved the confidence and boldness of talking to others or expressing ourselves without any fear? We do admire people who are confident enough to pursue what they want in life, and secretly… we wish to be like them.

Isn’t it true?

These people, when they walk into a room, instantly grab all the attention. First of all, let us understand:

What is Confidence?

Confidence is trusting one’s ability to accomplish a task which we may or may not be skilled enough to do, but, we would be sure to leave no stone unturned and accomplish the task at any cost. It is not something that people are born with, it is a skill that they develop through effort.

4 Pillars of Confidence

 The confidence in a person is fundamentally based upon four pillars:

  1. Experience- Remember the last time you were scared of doing something but now after so many years of experience, you can accomplish the same task in the blink of an eye. If you know how to drive, you will relate to it. You would not be this confident the first time you held a steering wheel.

Experience matters…

  1. Control- Oftentimes, we base our confidence on things that may not be in our control. The most common example is when people base their confidence on other people’s reactions. These things are not in our control and are influenced by several other factors. How can they define us?
  2. Values- We all judge other people. That is in our nature as human beings. But, have you ever asked yourself how you want to be perceived? Or, what kind of person do you want to be? Our values define us. These values, which we respect are the reasons based on which we admire someone. When we live by our values, we start respecting ourselves. With respect comes acceptance and with that comes confidence.
  3. Reflection- Self-reflection means paying attention to one’s thoughts, behavior, and actions. When we closely observe we know and understand ourselves, we get to know our good and bad traits. The good traits inspire us and the bad traits when worked on give us a sense of improvement. We start respecting our journey and ourselves, and self-confidence follows.

Nobody is born with confidence. It is a reward that you get for believing in and investing in yourself.

Characteristics of a rational mind

When we are on a battleground, isn’t the weapon the most important thing?

Obviously, it is!

It is ‘the thing that will decide our fate.

Similarly, in life, the mind is a weapon and the most essential thing. It is what helps us steer through the storms of life and help us make rational and relevant choices.

Bugs like over-thinking, procrastination, resistance, ego, and uncontrolled emotions derail our thought process and sometimes, set it on a wrong track. When this happens, the mind, which was our defense, itself becomes harmful. When the mind is free from all these bugs, it is called a rational mind.

Now, what are the traits of a rational mind?

There are three main characteristics of a rational mind: Self- awareness, self-examination, and self-determination.

Self- Awareness, as the word states, is being aware of oneself. It is to know and understand the root of all our conscious and impulsive choices, actions, and reactions in life. It is to know what principles we stand for. It is not just to know what we are, but also to understand ‘why we are like that. For example, if we are high on our guards, it is probably because, at some point in our life, somebody had broken our trust which gave us immense pain.

Self – Examination, aka, introspection is to put oneself in check from time to time. We may be free from all the bugs for now but our mind is always vulnerable. Therefore, it is important to examine our minds for these bugs from time to time.

Self- determination is the ability to make choices and manage one’s own life. It is very important to realize that we are the owners of our life and that our actions and choices affect us more than anybody else. For example, when we hold a grudge against somebody, we are the ones most affected by it. When this realization comes, we become responsible and self-determination comes along.

We are the captain of our ship. It is only our responsibility to keep ourselves safe and healthy. This responsibility can only be fulfilled when we are in the right state of mind.

Ask yourself, how aware and determined are you, and, how often do you introspect?

5 traits of a leader

If there is anything that decides the fate of the society more than everything else, it is the leadership.

Whenever a person goes through a phase of turmoil in life, it is his general instinct to look for someone who can guide him and lead him. More importantly, it is only during the rough phases of life, a person identifies, or, becomes a leader.

Publilius Syrus rightly said, ‘Anyone can steer the ship when the sea is calm.

What makes a leader special?

A leader is someone who can offer hope to people when going gets tough. He is a person who dares to form a vision when the circumstances hit him hard, and, compassionate enough to lead everyone on the path of his vision.

But… what separates a leader from his followers?

There are 5 mainly 5 traits that separate a leader from others:

  1. Path and vision– Everybody wants to be successful, but, most of the time this desire is rooted in comfort and fame. A true leader is a person who forms a vision and makes it a mission to accomplish that. His efforts are towards overall good.
  2. Willing to walk on an unexplored path– The explored paths in life are easy to walk on as the challenges of walking on them are already known. But, sometimes, life plays trick games on people by closing all the explored paths. A true leader, under these circumstances, gets up and starts walking on an unexplored path, whose challenges are yet, unknown. He deals with each problem with courage and persistence.
  3. Know how to manage success and failure– A leader is the best follower of his vision. No matter what befalls his path, he never stops. No amount of success can overwhelm him and no amount of failure can demotivate. He treats them as passing clouds and keeps walking on his journey to the sun.
  4. Courage to take decision-When life puts forth tough questions in front of a leader, it does not scare him. He understands that success and failure are just temporary and an illusion, the real key is consistency. Therefore, he takes decisions with courage after evaluating the circumstances.
  5. Nobility and Integrity– A leader is a person, who when looked upon can be perceived as a respectable person. Therefore, nobility in management and integrity in work is highly essential.

As it is clear, all the above traits can be acquired by putting in the effort. A leader is not born, he is carved by tough situations. It is a matter of daily choices and we all have a leader inside who is impatient to come out.

Just open the doors.

Let me know your views on this.

Mental Conditioning

A wise man once said, ‘What you think is what you see, what you see is how you act, and, how you act determines what you become’

Conditioning is like a tinted glass through which we are seeing the world, through which we perceive the facts. When the conditioning is growth-oriented, we see opportunities for building new cities in ruins. But, when the conditioning is negative, we look for faults even in the beautifully built cities.

But why are we thinking about conditioning so much?

Understanding the concept of conditioning is important because it impacts the following areas in a person’s life:

  1. Self-confidence
  2. Self-respect
  3. Mental strength
  4. Courage
  5. Self-talk

The above five qualities do not directly impact any area, but, together they define a person’s personality. A magnetic personality attracts eyes and opportunities. They are responsible for the first impression that a man forms about you in his head. Having a healthy mindset gives you an edge over other people.

Factors that influence the mental conditioning of a person:

  1. Childhood events
  2. Social circle
  3. Information, you are exposed to
  4. Everyday experience etc.

A few of these factors like the social circle and the information you are exposed to are somewhat in your control. But, there are a few factors that cannot be controlled like childhood events and daily experiences. They keep on bringing in bugs that negatively impact our conditioning, and thereby, our lives. We need to constantly check and kill any such bug being brought in.

Your mind is your safe space and your greatest weapon. Conditioning of your mind determines the condition of your life.

Keep it safe

Let me know your views on this.

Skill Enhancement

A winner is someone who recognizes his god-given talents, works his tail off to develop them into skills, and uses those skills to accomplish his goal”- Larry Bird

Your skills are those weapons through which you navigate through life. These skills are again of two types:

  1. General skills
  2. Specific skills 

General skills- These are the skills that play an important role in the general development of a person. These skills include:

  1. Interpersonal skills – ability to communicate your thoughts and build better relationships
  2. Problem-solving skills – ability to determine why an issue is happening and how to resolve that issue
  3. Adaptability skills– Ability to change actions or approach to doing things in order, to suit a new situation
  4. Leadership skills– ability to take charge and guide people when the situation demands it
  5. Defense skills– ability to protect yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially at the time of crises

These skills uplift the charisma of a person and the way he feels about himself. When specific skills in two people are the same, these general skills will give you an edge.

Specific skills- These are the skills that are relevant only to you because of your hobbies and career. For example, the skill of doing surgery is only required by a doctor, similarly, certain software skills are only relevant in some fields. This is an area of high competency. Everyone out there is competing with you based on these skills. It is very important to stay up to date if you want to stand a chance in the competition. 

Life is a war that we are fighting with our circumstances and our internal conflicts, emotional and otherwise. To win this, we have to keep sharpening our weapons. It is very important to understand and update them from time to time.

What do you think?

Let me know your views on this.